Honk! Make way for the party bus

(Credit: Erik "Bones" Jones)

The Boomerang Bus is a pub-crawl that hits the streets every Friday and Saturday nights from 9 p.m. to 2 a.m. The converted school bus rolls through alternating rosters of bars and clubs in Dupont, Georgetown, K Street and the Southeast Waterfront. You can either BYOB (only on the bus) or partake in the Boomerang drink specials offered at all the stops along the way. Here’s a taste of how my night played out:

9:20 PM, Rumors
The motley crew boards the bus and rolls onward on a base of Coors and Amaretto Sours. Georgetown isn’t exactly alive tonight (even though it’s the longest day of the year) but one of two bachelorettes in the posse decides the time is right to break out the phallus-shaped paraphernalia. Flashbulbs crack and calls of “Who’s getting married?!” go out repeatedly. Here’s to hoping it’s not me.

9:35 PM, The Bus
Once onboard, the party settles into the bus blend of ghetto fabulous and deadhead -- it’s a converted school bus with three stripper poles. I get saddled next to three fem repeat riders who are drinking Sprite and Ketel 1 from a Tupperware sippy cup. “This is my time to party,” says the blonde, clearly the alpha cougar of the pack. “And it’s not my fault I can’t stay in this dress.”

10:25 PM, Cantina Marina
Not a bad choice for a summer Saturday and judging by the size of the turnout on the Southeast waterfront, that’s a popular opinion. The party hosts, Emcee Matt and Hank point the group towards the discounted Tecates and Coronas and few of the Boomerang out-of-staters hold a Long Island Ice Tea drinking contest. The riders are rowdy, cell phones are wedged in cleavage as if pockets or purses don’t exist, high heels are getting tricky and a few are curious about karaoke.

11:10 PM, The Bus
“Ladies and gentlemen, our special guest for the evening – Jon Bon Jovi!” bellows Hank over the PA followed by the obligatory “Livin’ on a Prayer” group shout-a-long, which draws more than a few glances from the sidewalks of Chinatown. But it seems as if I’ve lost my wardrobe malfunction-prone companions from earlier. Perhaps they downed a few too many mini-bar sized merlots during an early evening pre-gaming session. Hopefully, they didn’t get ditched in Anacostia for the night.

11:35 PM, Modern
There’s a birthday girl on the bus and drinks are on her. Two rounds of Jagerbombs later most are dispersing onto the dance floor. Two girls are donning matching candy necklaces. “Care for a bite?” they ask. What’s that thing again about candy and strangers?

12:20 AM, The Bus
Alfonso the Bus Driver makes sure each lady gets a high five and wheels the bus down M Street. Thanks to Matt’s premium DJing skills, there’s now a chant of “Superman that ho” going around and the dance poles are seeing the most action yet, or rather inaction, as the combo of drinks and a moving bus isn’t helping with anyone’s coordination. Cheers go out when someone finds a six-pack of Sparks, which in this circle might as well be Belvedere right now.

1:50 AM, Eyebar & The Bottom Line
The melee of bacherlorettes and birthday revelers move into the day-glo spectacle of Eyebar and those with less energy make for a booth at the low-key Bottom Line. Mmm, maybe more like stumble. It’s surprisingly easy to get wrecked in the company of total strangers. “And to think,” one of the hosts says with a Budweiser in one hand and glow stick in the other, “I thought things would get out of control tonight.”

Not bad for thirty-five DVM’ers from all walks of life coming together to sow their wild oats. Just so you know, this is about as far from “classy” as it gets and definitely not intimate. It’s kind of like showing up at a party with thirty-five uninvited guests and then paying with coupons at the bar. But if you’re intrigued by the automobile equivalent of a sawdust-strewn dive bar, the Boomerang Bus is probably pulling up your alley. The main question … Would I do it again? Sure, why not.