“Kenny vs. Spenny,” the pair’s I’m-better-than-you TV brainchild, is now in its fourth season of torture (premiering Wednesday, Nov. 14 at 12:30 a.m./11:30c on Comedy Central), with pals and “South Park” creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone stepping in as executive producers.
After taking a look at new episodes like “Who Can Eat More Meat?” and “Who Can Blow the Biggest Fart?,” we got the guys to talk (OK, bicker) about their lifetime challenge standing, unconventional approaches to winning, John Candy stamps and slipping each other acid. Well, allegedly.
The “Who Can Eat More Meat?” challenge was especially disgusting, but I didn’t actually cringe until Kenny made a meat smoothie. Seriously?
Kenny: You know what? Even after years of “Jackass” and “Tom Green” and “South Park” and “Family Guy,” I still think I’m doing things that are surprisingly unique.
Spenny: We want to humiliate the other guy. We don’t like being humiliated ourselves.
Kenny: That’s one thing that makes us real and somewhat likeable. It fucking sucks, what we do. We’ve created a show where every single week we have to gain weight or eat meat or stay awake for a week. It really is brutal. I love it, I’m very proud of it, but be careful what you wish for.
Who is coming up with the means to the ends? Like for the premiere farting competition—whose idea was it to stick a tube up your butt and blow air into it, Kenny?
K: Oh, that was all 100 percent me. Spenny is responsible for his tactics, which are usually lame and boring…
S: [Laughs]
K: …and I’m responsible for mine. For me, Spenny would just do what any lame-o moralist would do. If it’s “Who Can Gain Weight?,” he eats. If it’s “Who Can Fart More?,” he eats beans.
S: Can I just say something? The reality was, those air farts didn’t count because there was no methane.
K: Well, you know, methane shmethane. I think I deserve to win that. I blew the biggest farts I’ve ever blown in my life.
And you’re in Birkenstocks and a bum-flap onesie for the majority of the episode…
K: Yeah, but so was Alan Alda in “M*A*S*H.”
[Laughs] But Spenny, you’re in like an old pair of Levi’s. What’s the strategy there?
K: When I was a kid—it’s Canada in winter—both Spenny and I grew up in those stupid red underoos. So it’s very heartwarming for me to put on one of those bad boys. And once I put that on, it becomes kind of a costume—it’s a game-on commitment. Some Olympians wear uniforms. That was my uniform, my gladiator garb.
S: Well, I pulled down my pants. I could’ve gone bare-assed, but I’m still traumatized from the “Who Can Stay Naked the Longest?” episode we shot in season two or three.
Any there any competitions that Matt and Trey or Comedy Central just said no to?
K: Yeah, “Who Could Be the President of Comedy Central?” they weren’t too into. [Laughs] Yes, there’s a lot of competitions that we want to do—well, mostly that I want to do—that not only Spenny says no to, but the broadcasters do.
S: I don’t like doing competitions that go against my moral fiber. I really don’t. I’ve been caught in a few of those and, even though I’ve won a couple, I don’t like it. Like “Who Can Slap More Women”…
K: “Who Can Slap More Women”? I wanted to do “Who Can Get Slapped More.”
S: I don’t want to go around insulting women.
K: I wasn’t. I was going to build a slapping machine, you idiot.
But Spenny, this moral fiber you speak of—it doesn’t stop you from making Kenny make out with old ladies?
K: Very good point.
S: That’s the rules of the game. The loser has to do the humiliation…
K: No, he’s a pervert and that gets him off and it’s his fetish to see me with like his grandmother.
S: I was not aroused sexually, but I certainly was aroused intellectually and emotionally by seeing that. It was one of the greatest moments of my life. I have a picture of that framed in my office.
K: She had like mint denture cream. It tasted like peppermint.
I guess that’s one bonus of kissing old people…
K: Yeah, and the good news is, she didn’t remember it soon after. [Laughs] I was like, “Remember that 50 bucks we were gonna pay you? No? Me neither.”
S: I’ll remember it forever.
Do you think being Canadian gives you a license to be eccentric?
K: No, but I think we have an awkwardness that you guys may not have in America. Just something a little different, a little off-kilter. It’s the same thing we see when American programming comes in. It’s very easy to differentiate between an American show and a Canadian show.
S: There’s something Matt Stone said about us, which I never really thought about—Kenny and I are sort of reacting to how dull and staid the Canadian persona is. Our style of humor and our style of insanity is a reaction to it.
What’s your lifetime record of battles?
S: We never kept score when we were younger. This has all escalated into this crazy show. It really all depends on what you think: If a guy cheats, should he lose?
But for you to sleep well at night, in your own mind, what’s your lifetime record?
S: I don’t sleep well! [Laughs] I’m living a nightmare. I’ve agreed to do a show where my best friend, who’s a schemer and a devious nitwit, is just playing pranks on me.
K: Slander!
S: It is a nightmare, I do it because a) I like the show, and b) I think the show makes him look like an idiot. He, of course, thinks the show makes me look like an idiot. It’s really up to our audience to decide. My fear is that in the mean culture that is the United States, he’s going to end up looking like the winner. But I’m never going to change my values ever.
K: Oh, he cheated. He ate my chili. He’s a scumbag and a cheater. He doesn’t abide by rules.
S: There was no rule about that…if there was a rule that said “you can’t eat the chili,” I wouldn’t have done it.
K: You’re a cheater!
OK, Goldfield is such a fun sidekick player. Is he famous in Canada now too?
K: [Laughs] He is kind of! I had to give him a pile of “Kenny vs. Spenny” 8x10s so he could sign them and give them to people. [Laughs] I love Goldfield. Spenny thinks he’s insane.
S: Wait a second. I love him. I think he’s a quack. The man told me I could take a pill…and that his penis enlarged three inches. [Laughs] Flaccid. [Laughs] The man’s a lunatic, but I love him.
So besides yourselves—and Goldfield—who do you consider to be the most amazing Canadian star ever?
K: Spencer’s boyfriend. No, the one thing Spenny and I have in common is our love of comedy. I am the biggest “SCTV” fan ever. So, Eugene Levy, Martin Short, John Candy…all the guys that went from Canada to the U.S.…those are all my heroes.
S: I agree with him. But I’d also add Wayne Gretzky on my list. But John Candy, my God. He’s on a stamp now in Canada, if you can believe it.
Is he really? Can you send me one?
K: Yeah, I’ll get you some. [Editor’s note: It has, in fact, been confirmed over email that my John Candy stamp is on its way.]
[Laughs] Is there anything that you all agree will never be attempted in a challenge?
K: There’s stuff we learned years ago that we should probably never do again. We did “Who Can Gain the Most Weight?,” where I gained 20 pounds in five days. We did “Who Can Lose the Most Weight?”—my brother’s a doctor and he said, “You idiot. You just shrunk your heart. You probably took 10 years off your life!” We’re not gonna do stupid shit where we can die. We’re not “Jackass.” We’re not idiots. But I really do think if we did “Who Can Knit a Sweater?,” it’d be a funny show. Some of our shows that have the lamest titles ever are some of my favorite shows.
S: I don’t think, at the end of the day, we want to see either of us irreparably harmed. Although he did slip me acid in one episode…
K: Because he slipped me acid in grade 9!
S: That was not me!
K: That was you!
S: I did it to other people, Kenny. [Laughs]
[Laughs] What’s the one challenge you know the other person would win hands down?
K: Spencer could sleep with his mother more. He would win that.
S: There’s really so many, but we would never do them. I think anything athletic, anything that involves any kind of decency or…
K: What? God, he’s so lame.
S: If he cheated, then all bets are off. If he played fair, I could win any competition at any time.
K: No. What about cooking?
S: Yeah, cooking is the only one. But I could’ve won that.
K: Yeah right. You made one bad dish. I made like six amazing gourmet dishes.
S: Whatever. Have you ever met someone who’s so in love with himself?
K: I love myself, Spenny hates himself. What’s better? Who’s team do you want to be on?
S: Don’t listen to him.
Season four of “Kenny vs. Spenny” premieres Wednesday, Nov. 14 at 12:30 a.m./11:30c; it moves to its regular night and time on Sunday, Nov. 18 at 11:30 p.m./10:30c on Comedy Central.
